Immaturity Prevails

After my son tried to make my heart stop beating, I decided a trip to the bookstore for literary reinforcements was in order. I drug a friend with me to search for books on sex and bodies for kids whose parents are not ready for them to know about sex or understand their bodies. In no time at all, we were on the floor giggling like we were back in junior high. Let me just say that there are some baaaaaaaad books out there on this subject. Here’s an example: “Sometimes it feels good to touch your body. Some parts of your body feel better, more sensitive, than others. This is called m*sturbation.” On the top of the very next page: “Sometimes it feels good to touch other people, too.” Now mind you, this book is illustrated with cartoons and the touching other people page is about hugging mom and dad. But still! Still! No change of wavelengths from m*sturbation to hugging your mom. Ewww! It was sending me over the edge! One page had two kids, one dressed as a doctor and one covered in band aids that said something like, “It’s okay to be curious about what other people’s bodies look like.” Are you f*cking kidding me?!?!?! No It Is NOT!!! Well, of course curiosity is okay and normal, but it is not okay to talk your little sister, brother, cousin, neighbor, into taking her/his clothes off! Have mercy! One book for boys was narrated by a cartoon penis. I am not kidding, folks! Lots of discussion about poorly-timed erections, wet dreams, etc. I was nearly hysterical when I came across the cartoon penis. Actually, I kind of regret not buying that book simply because it was so funny. Bad, but funny. After perusing every book on the topic in the bookstore, I went home with Peter Mayle's gold standard, Where Did I Come From?

I am soooooooo not ready for this! I kept looking ever-so-longingly at the books on potty training and giving up pacifiers. Barnes and Noble has a bizarre sense of what books to shelve in the “Growing Up” section of the children’s department.